Coming out – I had Postpartum Anxiety

This is Maternal Mental Health Month.  A month dedicated to helping moms and sharing resources and awareness so that they can climb out of the darkness to be well.

I had postpartum depression and still have anxiety.

this is me. i had postpartum depressionI’ve sat here looking at this screen trying to think of some elaborate way to tell you and some meaningful story to share.  I can’t think of anything.  But all I know is that writing that title was hard. Writing that title put out there to the world, forever and ever, that I had postpartum depression.

I still suffer from anxiety–all these years later.  I AM ONE OF MANY.

I still remember nearly running out of Old Navy one day because I became so overwhelmed while trying to pay and the line started building up behind me.  It wasn’t my fault, but somehow I felt like it was and I needed to just leave.  I really almost left all my stuff there on the counter and ran out.  But I didn’t.  And it was exhausting.

That is a picture of anxiety.

I remember the first time we did family pics as a family of 4.  The idea of finding the perfect outfits was like finding the holy grail. It was terrifying that I couldn’t do it and it seemed like no matter what, I would fail.  Who gets stressed out like that?  I spent days and lunches and hours of stress and depression trying to figure what we’d wear and how we could get those pictures just so.

That is a picture of anxiety.

I stood in the aisle of Target once overwhelmed because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted and why I was there. I had to call my amazing husband because I just stood there and couldn’t figure out what to do and how to escape. I just wanted to run. Again.

That is a picture of anxiety. 

I had postpartum anxiety and it was a real thing.

Why am I embarrassed to type that?  Why should I be scared for the real people in my life to know that?  Honestly, the reason I was scared to write this post is because the people in my everyday life who know me and work with me would know.  But why?  Why should it matter?  I’m not the only one and it shouldn’t be shameful to admit it.

Embarrassingly enough, I had no idea that postpartum anxiety was a real thing.  Not till I read the symptoms on Postpartum Progress‘s website. WHY? There aren’t many resources out there for moms that warn them about these things.  There aren’t enough screenings and education post baby to keep them informed.

So that’s why I write this.  For those moms who are scared to get help. Scared to admit they need it.  Scared to say they got help and are thankful for it.

Maternal Mental Health Month is a chance for us to stop tiptoeing around and break the stigma that having postpartum depression makes you crazy, or means you’re unwell, or incapable.  I’m living proof that it doesn’t. It means you’re a fighter and you just keep kicking ass that much harder everyday, in addition to all your other jobs.

So this is me. Being real. Terrified and proud all in one. Hoping to bring light on something for other women.

I need your help. I’m raising money for the organization that helped pull me out of the darkness by opening my eyes to the fact that I had postpartum anxiety.

I’ll be climbing Mount Bonnell here in Austin to mark this journey with several other amazing women.  No donation is too small and every little bit helps.  I am trying to raise $200 by June and right now I’m only at $50.

Postpartum anxiety

CLICK HERE TO DONATE

Postpartum Progress, the world’s most widely-read blog on all things related to emotional health around pregnancy & childbirth, is a service of Postpartum Progress Inc., a 501c3 nonprofit devoted to raising awareness of postpartum depression and similar illnesses. Please support me and all mothers by making a donation today, so resources like PP can continue and expand access and support for maternal mental health. Thank you!

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10 thoughts on “Coming out – I had Postpartum Anxiety

  1. Thank you for sharing your story; it’s so hard to get it out, but once it is out- maybe we really can help someone else struggling, too. Great, great post.

  2. Pingback: My Favorite Summer Things - Jess in the ATX

  3. Pingback: The TRUTH About Motherhood | This Blogger's Life...Jessica Escobar - The TRUTH About Motherhood

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