Coming Out into the Sun.

So I’ve mentioned before that I’m a depression warrior. We’ve had our battles and it’s kicked my ass, but for now, I’m on top. For now, I start to share bits of my story.

There are no words for the relief I feel. Just like there are no words to describe the fear that it’ll come back when I least expect.

I do know one thing–the power of friends is amazing.

Depression is not an easy thing to watch. No matter what you try, it’s like sending floaties to someone in the ocean. It’s admirable and the thought is appreciated, but nothing can help. I can’t imagine the hopelessness that is felt when nothing you do can make the one you love feel better, especially when the illness is invisible and beyond your control.

I remember pouring my heart out to a lovely lady I had just met a day earlier because I knew she would get it. All these months later, I am grateful that she let me cry and listened, never judging once.

The thing about it is that it’s like a secret sisterhood you never asked to join. You understand each other and the strength it takes to fake your way through the day. You commiserate of the frustration of treatments that don’t work and side effects that aren’t worth it. You don’t get upset when there’s nothing but radio silence on the other end-you know sometimes it’s the only way to get through the day. You worry about the ones you love even though you’re in the hole together-both helpless to beat it, but somehow stronger together.
20131104-202404.jpgYou push each other and keep going and feel real happiness when you know that your friend is in the sun and out of the dark.

I am blessed with a group of amazing women around the states and in Ontario that I call my friends. My comrades. My strength. Some of these ladies I’ve never hugged in person and women who have made my dry because they truly understand. Friends that are busy in their daily lives but make the effort to stop and check in, despite the stress and craziness they already have in their worlds. Women who check on me and aren’t afraid to tell me when they’re worried–it’s not just about trips to the mall and coffee dates, it’s about caring for the ones you’ll love.

November is about remembering why you’re thankful and sharing it. It’s not about the material stuff or the food in the fridge. It’s the little things like being able to watch your kids be silly and feel the happiness in your heart without just being a spectator.

Today, I’m thankful for wonderful souls around me and that today, I can laugh, smile, and mean it.
NaBloPoMo November 2013

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One thought on “Coming Out into the Sun.

  1. Having amazing support is what it is all about, even if you have that one crazy friend who says woman, pull your shit together! She does it because she loves you and can relate to a certain level. Love you woman!

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