I knew something was off, but I didn’t really know. Or I was in denial. I knew what postpartum depression was and it was really only because of the connections I’d made through the blog/Twitter world. I honestly don’t ever remember discussing it ever with my doctor when I had Ava. With Allie, because I had been depressed in the past I was afraid I was more susceptible for PPD with her.
I was right. Everything thinks that when you have PPD you turn into a zombie that can’t function, someone who can’t love her own baby. That wasn’t true for me but the zombie part was.
I kept this picture because it signifies how I felt with PPD, how I sometimes feel when I’m depressed. My eyes look hollow to me. Empty. It makes me sad that the smile is a total forced fake. As if I even need one, it’s a reminder of what I don’t want to feel.
It wasn’t until I read THIS post on Katherine Stone’s blog, Postpartum Progress, that I knew I was right and I had to take charge.
I knew I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t in my head. Those few things that made me think I was just over worked, tired, and a typical mom trying to do everything weren’t just exhaustion and stress from trying to do it all. Those things were depression. Anxiety.
For more of my ongoing journey that has gone from PPD to a battle against depression and anxiety, you can read here.
Yesterday was Climb Out of Darkness. A worldwide movement to raise money for Postpartum Progress. It’s an amazing blog with resources for all women. I didn’t get to a mountain, but I did run some big hills yesterday on my run, anxiety and all in the Texas heat and humidity. But I did it. For my warrior sisters. For the women who fight everyday and for those who have just begun to fight.
If you’re interested in donating to this amazing organization, you can donate here. I am.