Don’t Think You Know Me.

This week kicked my ace with a capital KICKED MY ACE. The time deadlines kept coming and I kept drowning in the additional assignments that got in the way. For someone who is Type A and slightly OCD about what she does, this isn’t a good combo. I couldn’t just knock something out by doing the bare minimum. Control freak and semi-perfectionist (on some stuff) that I am, I had to take the chance to make things exactly perfect and completely reflect my touch.

The good thing is that I absolutely positively love my job and what I do. I love my agency and what it stands for.

Anyway…at least there was Juanes on Tuesday night.

Friday morning Allie and I were up early and out the door at 6:30. Must have been some kind of record. So we sat at Starbucks and soaked in the peaceful zen relaxation before heading to work and school. Perfect.

Then things…went south. The rules that I thought I would have been finished by 9:00 weren’t. They barely were at 3:00 when I left–only because I had to so I could get Allie to swimming. stay tuned for that story

and this is where the post becomes a Carly Simon “You’re so vain you probably think this song is about you” post. I assure you, friends, this isn’t about you.

Without going into details because they’re unimportant to this story, I’ll just be cryptic and say that I was severely disappointed by something I should have already known. You know, the whole “fool me once, shame on you…” thing?

I’m not the best person ever in life, but who is? I do think I’m a damn caring person and when someone needs something, I try to make it happen. I am one of the most loyal and giving friends you will ever have. I remember the little things that are going on in your life and if I don’t, I’ll ask as soon as I do.

I always smile at everyone in acknowledgment, even when I know they don’t care for me or they haven’t always been super nice. That’s how I was raised.

My smile doesn’t mean I pretend that I like you, that I’m pretending I don’t know that you say things that I’m not supposed to know, or that I just don’t care. Even my smallest smile is genuine, and let me tell you that when I’m not in the best place, that little smile sometimes takes a lot of work. Call me what you will, but I’m not fake. When I ask how you are, I genuinely care or I wouldn’t ask.

I know people will always judge, criticize and gossip about others. Gossip is talking about the business of others, it doesn’t have to be in malice. I do it. We all do, it’s human nature.

Knowing who I am isn't knowing me.You can see someone daily but that doesn’t mean you know what makes them happy, sad, what they’ve been through, their sorrows, or the things that make them proud.

I don’t care what people do with their time or money. That’s their own business, just like mine is my own. If it makes you happy and it doesn’t hurt others, rock on with your bad self.

My brilliant Heather reminded me that you have to let things go, and I know you should let stuff roll off your shoulder, especially when it doesn’t matter. My mom told me that and my dad tells me the same to this day. I know you shouldn’t let the opinions of those who “don’t matter” affect you. I said I didn’t care about what happened, but she knew better because I did. She was right.

In retrospect, I don’t think I cared so much because the source of the frustration isn’t one that plays a major role in my life. I shouldn’t have been, but I was angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Annoyed.

We are all at different stations in life. We all make decisions to get us to those places and some like where they are more than others.

I work hard. My husband works hard. My mom worked hard and my dad is one of the hardest working people you’ll ever meet. I will never apologize for that.

Someday I’ll learn to let things slide. But sometimes, it just hurts when you know better. At the end of the day, the ones that matter DO know the truth, and theirs are the only opinions that matter.


3 thoughts on “Don’t Think You Know Me.

  1. Girl, say it like it is. There is actually something honest about NOT learning to let things slide. When you let things slide, I fear (this is me talking for me and my weird self) that it means that I care less.

    Hang in, baby!

  2. Do I need a can of whoop ass sent to Texas?
    Don’t let people drag you down and into their stupidity. You know who YOU are and that is all that matters.

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