I Will.

Today was not my finest day in parenting.   I’m ashamed to admit it, but it’s true.  To be fair, it was this afternoon that wasn’t my finest.

I’ve never felt like a failure at being a mom, but today the frustration level was so high, I felt like I was pretty damn close.

One of the battles that I constantly deal with is the fight to be myself, the fear that I’ve lost that person, the fear that I don’t even know who she is anymore.  There is always a voice in the back of my head saying, “This is your new normal. Just get used to it.”   Sometimes I think I’ve just accepted the depression, the anxiety, the random irritations.  Nothing has worked yet, why will it? During those flashes of “normal,” I’m cautious not to get my hopes up that something is working, because surely it won’t last.  It hasn’t so far.  It feels like it’s always something new.

But at Blissdom, Jon Acuff inspired me.  If there was nothing else, I’d be glad I went just to listen to him speak.  He taught me: Fear LIES.  Punch fear in the face.

Then, a couple weeks ago I was inspired by a tiny charm I saw on the Origami Owl website.  While checking things out, I saw this and I knew it had to be mine.  I wanted to buy one for half the women in my life.  The tiny charm said everything I needed to hear.  Everything most of us need to be encouraged and reminded about.  All in two little words.

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I put the charm on a simple little bracelet. It isn’t about being fashionable, it’s supposed to be a reminder when I need to see it, to feel it.

There is so much meaning for me in those five letters.

They can mean anything to anyone.  But for me, they are a reminder that the answer to the never ending question I ask myself, “will I ever be normal again?” is YES.  I will. I WILL.  I have to.

Anyone CAN do anything.  That doesn’t mean that they do it.

I CAN be the next president; that doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen.

Jon Acuff’s new book talks about the idea that everyone can get through life taking the average road and be just fine.  But do you want to settle? Do you have to?

I took this and made it my own.  This is my inspiration when I need it most.  These are my “I Wills.”  What are yours?

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5 thoughts on “I Will.

  1. Good for you! I love it! My friend has an Origami Owl necklace with 2 charms… “I am” and “enough.” She struggles with that and the necklace is a constant reminder that she is… enough.

    Sending hugs! And love love love your “I will”!

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