Sometimes days are bad. They don’t start that way and you don’t expect them.
Sometimes there are triggers.
And when you feel those things closing in on you you have to reset. I always think of that Kevin Costner movie “For Love of the Game” when he’s talking to himself trying to get psyched up to finish pitching. He says:
Reset the mechanism.
Random. I know. But think about it. Sometimes if you keep going and going and spinning you’re gonna be like the rat on the wheel and nothing will change.
That sounds bigger than it is but it’s not. Sometimes it’s as simple as resetting the mechanism inside. Breaking from the trigger. Escaping the space.
Yesterday I was in desperate need of resetting. It was a bad day. But I knew I had 20 minutes so I escaped in the cold without my jacket and walked to Starbucks. I got my latte and came back. A tiny thing but enough to break the trance for just a minute.
Now I’ve reset again. On a bigger level. I’m not only away, I’m on vacation. This couldn’t have come at a better time. I couldn’t have needed it more.
And today I feel good. Thinking of yesterday is sad because I know how different one day is from the next. It’s scary too.
Depression is unpredictable. The anxiety likes to join the party.
But today I’m in Colorado with my favorite people. And I’m working damn hard to reset.