You Know You’re a Mom if…

You can do 10 things at once–without dropping the baby on your hip.

You’re starving when you get home.  But before you have a bite to eat, you do some dishes, shuffle one kid off to ballet, come home, pick up dry cleaning, go back to pick up the kid, make kid’s dinner, make adults dinner, put both children to bed, get distracted with other stuff, then you eat your dinner cold (obviously) about 3 hours after you got home.

Taking a hot shower is like a reward at the end of the day.  Plus you’ve saved yourself the time of showering and blow drying in the morning. SCORE!

The idea of wasted breastmilk makes you cringe.  Or cry.

You’ve held your breath and army crawled out of the baby’s bedroom for fear of waking her up.

You wait to savor your candy/cookie/ice cream after the kids have gone to bed because it tastes so much better without having to hide in the corner/closet/bathroom to eat it so no one begs for some.

You’re so sleep deprived or used to interrupted sleep that you just stop being exhausted and accept the fact that this is life and your body should just get used to it.


You swoon at all the awesome clothes/home decor/food on Pinterest knowing full well you’ll never buy half of it.

Your attire at home after work and on weekends consists of pajama pants of various holiday themes (currently wearing: snowflake blue, Santa hat wearing monkeys pants), and your top is whatever you happened to grab (currently wearing: green tank top).

Your beauty regimen consists of washing your face and rubbing the leftover lotion you just rubbed on your kid into your face.

You know your child’s teachers’ favorite treats.

Target is your happy place.


You celebrate bodily functions of tiny human beings.

You talk about said functions with your friends.

You celebrate first bites of food.

You bribe your children with goodies because sometimes you do what you’ve gotta do to get around Target in peace.


You race out of the office walking like a speed demon so that you can squish your babies’ faces as soon as you pick them up.

You hurt so deeply when your baby cries, especially when you can’t take the pain away.

You stare at your sweet babies as they sleep and think how amazing it is that they are yours.

You worry about the future and wish you could create a magical shield to protect your babies from everything.

You can’t remember what life was like before you had them.

You don’t want to.


12 thoughts on “You Know You’re a Mom if…

  1. Talking about body functions…check…talking about them with friends WITHOUT children…check.
    I’m always up for grossing people out.
    This is lovely friend.
    Motherhood is a beautiful thing

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