It’s not fair.

Last night Ava brought me an envelope from school.  She told me I had to read it.

It was formal and addressed “To the parents of”.  I opened it wondering what it was.  As I read, I felt my stomach lurch and gasped. She asked me what it said.  I told her it wasn’t anything for her.  She played happily with Allie.

I was sick.  One of her classmates passed away that morning.  From cancer.  After being diagnosed only a week earlier.  After being sick for just a week before that.

It’s horrible.  It’s heartbreaking.  It’s the most unfair thing ever.

There was such a sadness that filled me.  I called J and we prepared to talk to her when he got home.

Having dealt with the death of my mom, I think she understood the implications more than most kids her age.  But the thought that cancer and death could happen to a child is what really made me nervous about her reaction. I didn’t want her to be scared for herself.  I wasn’t sure what she’d ask.

She took it so well. I don’t think it truly set in.  She asked questions sporadically throughout the night.

I’ll tell you this, I hugged those girls tighter than I possibly could.  I told them I loved them 100 times more than usual.  I didn’t let Ava out of my sight.  The thought that something so incredibly tragic could happen to a parent just crumpled me up inside.  The thought of those parents going through the happiest season to kids without their little baby is incomprehensible.  The thought that innocent little friends have to think about a friend that won’t come back?  It’s just. Not. Fair.

Love your babies.  Hard.  Take a breath the next time you’re frustrated and love them even more.  I know I will.


21 thoughts on “It’s not fair.

  1. I’m so sorry, Jess. For Ava and her classmates. For her classmate’s family. For you. It is so not fair. My heart goes out to that family. xoxo

  2. I needed this on a day when I am up to my ears at work, the baby is sick and my two year old is screaming for attention. Tonight there will be big hugs and lots of loving. Just the kick in the butt I needed. Life is just not fair.

  3. *hugs*

    I’m sitting at work, crying over this – I can’t even begin to try to figure out how to have this sort of talk with my kids.


    I’ll be hugging my two, hard, tonight.

  4. This RIPS my heart out of my chest… My mom and I work with a charity called Candlelighters of Brevard. It’s an organization that helps raise money for children with cancer. This year my company is sponsoring a family whose 9 year old daughter has brain cancer and likely won’t live until next Christmas. Because of the cost of medical treatment the family can’t afford to give their children a Christmas this year so we step in… I cry a little bit every time I go shopping knowing that this sweet girl will only be able to enjoy her toys for a short time… But joyful at the same time that I’ll be able to bring a smile to her face… It ISN’T fair and it will be a HUGE bone I have to pick with God when I enter into Heaven one day… I just don’t understand it. 😦

    ~~ Come visit my blog! ~~

  5. Pingback: Where I’ve been. « *straight talk jess*

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